You are powerless from an unexplained funk you constantly feel. By keeping yourself busy with endless tasks, you can avoid thinking or feeling.
In being so critical of yourself, you see all your faults. You try to meet your own high standards, but burn out from the endless to-do list!
You have trouble sleeping and can never shut your mind off.
You feel like you are fighting an unwinnable war. Your feelings are scary, painful, and yet very real.
You believe you are not good enough and are quite numb by the end of the day. Your needs come last because you don't really care about yourself. Failure is the only option you see.
You feel stricken with panic in an immobilizing way, your heart is pounding so hard you could pass out at any moment. It is a continual spin in a life that is completely out of control. By pretending everything is okay, no one can tell you are falling apart. Emotions are confusing and this makes you feel vulnerable. You distract yourself from the truth, keeping others at a distance because they will see your flaws.
In your relationship, you feel alone and unappreciated. When there is conflict, you put your guard up and detach from this person. You become distrusting, so much so, that it impacts you and your reactions to them.
You know your life is chaotic with so much responsibility and any relief does not even seem possible. But in desperation, there is a willingness to try anything.
Your search for answers all the time and come back to the same websites repeatedly. By reading self-help books you desperately looking to change the world you live in. There is a feeling of being paralyzed with self-blame and shame about the person you have become. There are times you don't even care to wake up because at least your mind would be free of the hurt, pain, and disgust that you carry.
As Your Therapist, I Would Tell You
You are not alone with tormented thoughts of what is going on with you and desperately trying to ‘figure it out by yourself. It’s too hard to articulate your confusion when this is invisible to friends and family.
The truth is that too much stress can push us to our limits, making us react in ways we are not proud of. This will leave us feeling guilty due to the harsh words we may say out of frustration, or behaviors that are out of character for us.
Your reactions make sense to me.
Let’s join together so you can gain perspective and understand what drives you to react the way you do. Let’s make the necessary changes to finally give your mind a break by taking some time to make sense of what’s going on.